We, women, find a sense of self in doing this. Is it wrong? Not necessarily. But why do we feel this way? I believe we are designed to feel this way because in the moments of emptiness and loneliness is when we can come closer to God. Often times women just don't know when to stop. They perseverate on fulfillment of relationships, on helping others, on getting the next job done. We don't know how to stop until we are forced to stop. Likewise we don't take time to find fulfillment in God until the loneliness sets in or the emptiness sets in.
I may be completely off my rocker in saying this, but it's true for me. It took a complete loss in my own personal life to realize I had my priorities all wrong. Loss is hard. We want to focus on the memories and the "what ifs". Somehow it is ingrained in us to "lock in" on what we have lost instead of trying to see the whole picture. I am a selfish being. I know what I want, I know what I need and I know what is good for me. I also know that often times those don't all line up for me. Right now what lines up for me is God. He has saved so much grace for me. And not just "forgiving" grace as we often view it, but a kind of grace for my future. I have hurt many people, I have let myself and others down and I make mistakes, BIG mistakes. God doesn't see that. He see's what plans He has for me even when I step on my own toes.
Letting go of what I think my picture should be... That's my struggle. Each day God is reminding me how to let it go. Reuniting old relationships, reminding me the little things in life are just as important as the big and putting obstacles in the way, while clearing a path toward the right direction. These are just a few of the ways God is reminding me to stop stumbling over myself and start jumping towards him.
This may be a redundant blog... but in many ways its a step forward. Each day is a day closer to God. And knowing that I am ready to start working my life towards Him is exciting and worth sharing again and again.
