Centered

Today I took a walk on the beach just at sunset. It was so relaxing to just go my favorite place and play in the sand and water and enjoy the sun setting. Through out the last few months I have felt completely off balance. Being at the beach I always find myself centered. I love that feeling.

I have been thinking this for at least a few days maybe even a few weeks. I have found my grounding again. It's kind of like building a home. The cornerstone is one of the greatest parts of its foundation. It hold everything in place and keeps it stable. Putting God back as my cornerstone has really helped in all of this.

There is a line at the end of the movie "When Harry Met Sally" that I love. It talks about when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want it to start as soon as possible. Believe it or not, I have not found that special someone. But in a way I have found happiness. Being in a world that was so dark and twisty for so long and coming out of it is like becoming a whole new person. I feel more alive and energetic. I am excited and adventurous again. I am ready for life to begin and this time I am NOT waiting for it to come to me. I want my life to start as soon as possible.

I guess when you realize that your whole world isn't as bad as it seemed you are ready to start enjoying every little thing. Even if that little thing is getting out of work and hour early so you can see the sun set over the beach.

"That's life... What can I tell you?"

When I was little my world was full of Barbie's and ribbons in my hair. Every day my greatest joys were dependent on if I was allowed to stay up late or have that extra cookie. A bad day would be missing a nap or not getting that cookie. But somewhere between ribbons and training bras we are forced to grow up.

In college I studied nature vs. nurture. Are we who we are because of our surroundings or because of our biology? As a little girl my dreams were to have the Barbie Dream House with the little Corvette. To raise a family with Ken and drive my 2.5 children to soccer practice. Was this dream instilled in me because I was given a Barbie instead of a G.I. Joe? Or was this instilled in me because I am biologically designed to be that way?

Well whatever the reason... Growing up is not Corvette's or Ken dolls. It is paying bills and working. It is disappointment and failures. It is obligations and responsibilities. Life is hard. Somehow, when I was a child, I don't recall having my Barbie pay the bills or take out the trash. We are thrown into the world without preparation for the difficulties that lie ahead.

When the world falls apart around us, when life is just hard we are faced with how to handle it. We have to decide to we fight and stay strong? Or do we crumble and fall apart. It is a matter of one simple truth. Its Life. We aren't really ever prepared for the difficulties that lie ahead. To think that our own difficulties are harder then others is naive. Its simple: We all have face life. Its not always going to be laughter and sunshine.

In the moments of difficulty. The moments when our lives really just suck, those always end up being some of the greatest moments of our lives. I know I am starting to sound like a masochist. No I don't like pain or being hurt. I hate doing things the hard way. But when you think about it. If it didn't hurt: how would we appreciate it when the pain is gone. If it was not difficult: How could we appreciate the easier times.

That's Life. Its beautiful. Its ugly. Its up and its down. But its in the ugliness that we can be thankful for the beauty. It's in the downs that we can enjoy the ups. You see, it was not ever meant to be easy because we would take it for granted.

Its like the impossible dream. When I was a little girl I used to chase rainbows. Isn't that silly? I thought that IF... If I could just get to the other side of that rainbow I would see the most beautiful majesty in the world. Maybe it is impossible to get to the other side of the rainbow. But I believe that the greatest part of that journey is the chase. I may never get there but if I do get to the other side of that rainbow I've been chasing.... I know this: I will not be disappointed. It's worth the effort.

Keep on chasing those rainbows, You may not get there but you may find something more majestic along the way.

Life - like Grey's Anatomy

Meredith Grey: "You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true. At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away."

The wisdom of Grey's Anatomy... Got to love it.

Seeing beauty when life seems ugly

Vincent Van Gogh was an amazing person. Sure, like the rest of us, he had a few flaws but he also masterfully created such breathtaking works of art.

Often times we get so caught up in how we are perceiving the world that we are not capable to see the beauty and the greatness that is within ourselves. I believe Van Gogh suffered from this toward the end of his life. He had moments of clear thinking and was able to produce amazing bodies of work and then  would go through moments where he simply could not work. I am not a person who has spent much time studying Van Gogh nor do I pretend to know much about him. However, I came across a quote from him that really struck me:

"Love many things,
For therein lies the true strength

And whoever loves much
performs much,
and can accomplish much,
and what is done in love,
is done well."
- Vincent Van Gogh

What I take from this is that Van Gogh really understood the importance on how to live. Often times we are placing our own worth on our own accomplishments. And what I think he was trying to say is that when we do things in a loving way we will be achieving our greatest accomplishments. My focus will be this, Loving much. If I were to start every activity, at work or every conversation with a loving heart, I believe I could accomplish much.

For a little while I never thought that I could love again. I had put all of my love on one person. I have discovered that when you do you may get hurt. But in doing that I also distracted myself from doing everything I did in a loving way. I am not certain I will ever love again in a romantic way, but I am definitely going to try doing everything I do with love in my heart.

Just like the Footprints in the Sand...

I recently watched the Lord of The Rings series for the first time. Tolkein had an amazing way of showing the differences between good and evil which is a wonderful story line. However, what meant the most to me was the relationship between Sam and Frodo.

Sam was the ultimate supporting role of a character and Frodo was the man who had the heaviest burden. Together they made a powerful team with Sam's faithfulness and Frodo's courage. Frodo had to go through the greatest trials and had it not been for Sam he would not have made it through.

Many times in our lives we face moments just as Frodo did. It may seem dark and dreary all the time. It may feel like there will be no end to the suffering and the endless battle to find the light. What I loved about this story is that the movie did not end with the ring going into the fire. It ended with hope and new beginnings. It was a great reminder that, while it may only seem dark all the time now, I have the hope of reaching the light.

Our journey's will not always be easy. There will be times when we want to throw in the towel and give up. There will be times when you simply can not carry that burden any longer.You will be exhausted and feel like you can't fight anymore. I am lucky. Here on Earth I have a Sam. A friend who will encourage me and stick by my side to the end even when its at a personal loss. I also can look to God. Both have helped carry me when my burden has been too heavy. A line from the movie reminds me of this. Sam says it to Frodo when it simply became too much to bear: "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you."

I have had to loose a great deal to have seen this. But God is always at our side. He is the ultimate supporting role. And when life is throwing troubles at you from all directions, He is battling them away. When our worlds have turned dark with no hope, He brings in the light. Having a friend like Sam has reminded me that God has a mighty way of working through the people in our lives. And my Sam reminded me that even when I am at my lowest point in my life, I am not alone. I have someone there right beside me fighting off gigantic spiders and evil thoughts just so I can keep on my path.

Following my journey to the greatest moments may take a little bit of fight, but I am ready for it knowing now that I have a Sam by my side.